There's only one starting place with God. And that's admitting how we really feel inside, and how things actually are. This can be a surprisingly difficult place to get to. It can take years.
But that's OK. If you're making an honest effort to get there, God will help you along. You might have to come face to face with a lot of stuff you've been trying your hardest to avoid. He'll guide you through.
People think they can approach God as they should be, as they want to be, as they think He thinks they should be. It doesn't work. He sees right through it. He already knows what's going on inside, even if we don't. There is zero point in trying to pretend.
But still, we try.
It only holds us back. Keeping us from the life, help, insight, and love that we so desperately need.
It works this way with people, too. Having a close friend. Having people in our lives who really get us, who provide that deeper connection that spurs us on, that gives us life. I haven't found many people I'm able to do this with. It's pretty rare. But when you find this kind of friendship and connection, I believe it's one of the richest gifts in life.
I haven't written on this blog in ages. The reason is, I'm working on a Young Adult Fantasy/Reality Trilogy, and I've become pretty much obsessed with my own story. People ask me how I get so much written, and the honest answer is that I've become fascinated with my story and characters, so that everything else feels like an interruption from what I actually want to be doing. And, like many of you, I have a busy life. With a six-person household, homework and sports and ministry, groceries disappearing as fast as I can buy them and yadda yadda yadda, there's a lot to do. If I'm ever going to accomplish anything, I can really only focus on ONE other thing. Right now, the novel/trilogy is it. Family and close friendships--those are still important. But housework, grocery shopping, other types of shopping, gardening, home and craft projects though--some of which I've enjoyed in the past--have become minimal.
I feel like I've found my me. And that feels awesome. But it took a long, long time to get there. I'm almost 45, and this feels new.
The lesson being, keep pursuing God. Keep pursuing the real. And you'll get there in the end.