Friday, March 20, 2015

Twenty Years Ago Today

It's hard to believe that twenty years ago today I became a mother.

So many things have changed since then. I feel like a completely different person than who I was, and who I thought I would be, on March 19, 1995.

Displaying Simon born.jpg

I had so many dreams and ideals then. I'm still full of dreams and ideas, though they have been edited and revised, sometimes severely.  Some of the original ones just weren't real life in the first place. Others didn't fit for me.  Still others I would have liked to come true, but they didn't work out.

More than anything, both then and now, I wanted to be a mother. I had no idea now hard that would be, how heart breaking and humbling at times. How it would bring me to empty, again and again. But I would still choose it. Because people, relationships, families--that's what matters.

I'm very proud of the young man my son is becoming. He runs a successful business creating YouTube videos about online gaming (check him out here or here), and he makes more money doing this than I would make if I worked full time at my bank job.  He is a highly gifted, focused, and disciplined young man. He is learning who he is and who he isn't, which is what you really need to do when you're twenty (rather than, ahem, forty or fifty).

Sometimes it's hard for parents to let our kids do this. Most parents would freak out at the idea of their son dropping out of high school to get a GED, and then wanting to play an online game for much of the day. I certainly did. Yet here he is making a successful career out of it, and he has just signed up for college classes in order to explore more options for the future. It's been an unconventional path, not a smooth one. I'm so happy to see him succeeding.  Seeing the amount of work and discipline he has put in to building up his Youtube channel, has inspired me to see  what it takes to grow as a creative professional in today's world.  A lot of it is just plugging away, day after day.  Putting in the time. Doing the work. Believing your work is of value, even when some of the people around you might not get it.

I look forward to how things will develop in his life for the future, and for my other children, too. Each one so unique, right from the womb. Each one fascinated by completely different subjects, and driven to do different things. May they have the courage to follow the inner call God has written into their souls.